First off I want to thank all who read and reached out to me after reading my first blog post! I'm overwhelmed with all the positive feedback; it means the world to me to have such great supporters after deciding to put myself out there. In all honesty after posting the other night, I felt the most vulnerable I have ever felt in my life. I went through so many anxious emotions and woke up the next morning asking myself .."did I seriously just do that?!" WELL I did and I couldn't be happier!
So as you can recall from my previous post, I mentioned how my recent hospital stay really put all things into perspective for me. So I feel like you should all know what I have endured the past couple of months, to understand my feeling such way.
I spent the better end of October until mid November feeling the worst I have felt in my life. I was having symptoms of both mono and pneumonia, but instead of being taken seriously was told to stay home from work and rest. It wasn't until I started coughing up clots of blood and feeling like I was having a heart attack, that I was taken seriously. November 25th I was admitted to the hospital with a possible pulmonary embolism and severe pneumonia. After spending two and a half weeks in the hospital and seeing several specialists they concluded that I had pneumonia with a collapsed lung.
I was overjoyed to be going home, staying in the hospital for an extended period of time really tests your sanity. Part of the deal of being discharged on December 12th was that I would have to come into the hospital everyday for a month to receive IV antibiotics; as the fluid had still not cleared from my lungs. Although this wasn't ideal; I wasn't too concerned as I just wanted to start feeling better, I wanted to see progress made..I wanted to feel myself again.
Throughout my stay in the hospital I realized how seriously ill I was, and how fatal it could have been; not just from what my body was telling me, but from what nurses and doctors were telling me as well. While you are in the hospital, as many could relate, you have A LOT of time to think. What is wrong with me? Why am I not getting answers? When will I feel better? What caused this? How much longer will I be in here? Could this have been prevented? Well so many thoughts including those above went through my head daily; but what mostly kept popping into my head was...what do we have if we don't have our health? Nothing.
Which brings me to my "acceptance"; it finally clicked in my head! After so many years of the yo-yo dieting and trends to lose weight, I finally saw it for what it was. It's not about what you do it's how you do it and why you are doing it. I finally accepted the fact that I had a problem and I wanted to fix it for ME, not for anyone else. There is always going to be a new trend everyday that promises the fastest and easiest results, but it's about changing your lifestyle and being healthy; finding out what works for you! This all really sounds so simple on paper, but until you actually realize it they're just words.
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